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AITAH for leaving one of my brother’s kids out of a trip but taking the rest? **I am NOT OOP, OOP is** u/EffYouJenny **Originally posted to r/AITAH** **AITAH for leaving one of my brother’s kids out of a trip but taking the rest?** **Trigger Warnings:** >!alcoholism, child abandonment/neglect, emotional abuse and manipulation, favoritism, mentions of financial abuse, controlling behavior!< **Mood Spoilers:** >!infuriating and sad!< ---- [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/nlVXb0IYbE): **July 24, 2025** So long story short, I (35f) live and work abroad but am from the midwest. I grew up with my brother Jason (43m) and our parents (70s). We were working class, had what we needed but not well-off by any means. When I was in high school Jason married Tiffany (40f), who is and was and will always be a mess of a person, heavy drinker, partier, god knows whatever else, but she was hot and my brother is a dweeb to put it nicely. They had Jace (19m), Jeff (17m), and Hannah (12f). Their marriage broke down before Hannah was born, they tried working it out but ultimately got divorced. Jason started dating Jenny (43f) while splitting custody of the kids with Tiffany 50-50. Since Tiff had been a SAHM she received child support and alimony, and my brother worked a lot. I liked Jenny at first, she wasn't a complete smokeshow like Tiff but she was kind, had a good job, and was well-educated. I thought, much better match. At first, I know Jenny was upset that the kids didn't immediately love her and call her mom when they were there, and the divorce was hard on them. got pregnant somewhat fast with Daisy (10f) and they got married. Around this time, the older kids started refusing to go back to Tiff's, she was always drinking and having guys around, so all three moved in full-time with Jason and Jenny and Tiff left town and is no longer in the kids' lives. I tried being understanding, I'm sure having a newborn and then three older kids full-time is difficult. But Jenny completely changed. She stopped working, but declared she was only a SAHM to HER kid. Jason was working 70+ hours to make ends meet AND her parents were helping them out, but she controls the finances. This means that the three of them (Jason, Jenny, and Daisy) operate as a family unit, going to dinners, events, even vacations and leaving the older three kids at home. I have always thought this was disgusting and voiced my opinion about it, but Jason just said his divorce broke him emotionally and he will do anything possible to keep Jenny happy so that their marriage works out. Gross, yes. And 10 years ago to be frank I was younger, broker, and dumber so it was kind of more like 'yes my brother fucking sucks as a dad but I live on another continent and all i can do is be supportive of the kids.' I know, not a great attitude in retrospect and I'm disappointed in myself. I really did my best, when they refused to pay for Jace to learn how to drive (even though Jenny refused to drive the kids anywhere), my mom taught him and I bought him a used car. We had to shame Jason to put him on his insurance, and he makes Jace pay for it. Same with Jeff - they share the car and use it for their activities and Hannah's. My wife (an only child and we don't want children) have the three of them as our sole beneficiaries in our will, something we did when we found out that Jenny and Jason plan to leave them only the bare minimum amount, everything goes to Daisy. Also, after we got married my wife (6 years ago) and I decided that we would start taking the older kids on annual trips with us when we went to the US. Nothing FANCY (we might be childfree but we're not billionaires or anything, just well-off), but things like a week in Florida, Utah, California, things like that. They're very outdoorsy kids so they've had a blast every year, and we plan it when my brother takes Jenny and Daisy on trips, so they don't care. Normally we vacation in the summer, but Jace got an internship this summer so we decided to move our trip to the fall and are going to Maine (LEAVES!!!). I let Jason know the dates (they're in line with their fall breaks no worries) and he basically said we need to start including Daisy. Jenny's parents made some bad investments, they're fine but aren't helping them out anymore and Jenny is looking for a job, but since her parents had always paid for their trips they can't go on one this year. So, even if all was fair, I wouldn't want to take Daisy on a trip. This is going to shock you with parents like that and I feel so bad saying this about a child but Daisy is a HUGE brat, spoiled, mean, and constantly bragging about the things she gets that her siblings don't. She once told me they weren't her siblings, they were 'Tiffany's kids.' She throws toddler level tantrums on holidays if she doesn't get as much AND MORE as the other kids, tells my wife and I we are going to hell (edit: I now feel bad for including this. She said it about five years ago a few times and when Jenny was told it was about the only time I’ve ever seen her discipline Daisy. I guess she’d heard it from Jenny’s aunt, but it was hurtful and hard to forget with everything else), and since Jenny waits on her hand and foot she's a total slob. I feel bad saying all this, I hope when she grows up she grows out of it. But there is no way I'd want to take her on a vacation. So I told him I didn't think we'd be able to handle all four kids and we'd just go the five of us. He said Jenny could come to help out (absolutely not) or our mom could go (love her but she's getting a freaking HIP REPLACEMENT next month and does NOT want to go). Plus the car we'd need for all these people on a road trip would be stupid, we'd probably need 2, and you know what? I don't want to! Anyways, sorry for trauma dumping on you all, this is getting long. I was worried Jason would not let me take the other kids on the trip, but they decided to go the route of shaming us online. Obviously its working with their friends and her family, but even my dad told me to stick to my guns. But, my wife came to me the other day and basically said, are we even better than Jenny if we're favoring some kids over another just because we don't like their mom? Before we were evening things out, but now we're obviously favoring the oldest. She told me to think of the long-term health of my family and our relationships. She said that it's my family, my decision, but wants me to think about it. My gut is saying just take the older three, but Daisy is only 10, she's not too blame. Would it make me an evil aunt to leave her out? **AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs and few others** **Relevant Comments** **Downvoted Commenter:** YTA. You said take the older kids on annual trips. 12 and 10 is not a big enough difference. If you did it once for a small trip because one had plans. That's one thing. But every year excluding one kid that is not even that much younger then another. That's really evil. > **OOP:** I think you are confused. We took the older three on vacations the same weeks that Jason and Jenny would take Daisy on a trip. This was after 3 years old them leaving the older kids home/ with my parents while they took Daisy on vacation. It is only this year Daisy wouldn’t be going on a trip while the e older ones will. **Commenter 1:** Your family is already broken. Mostly because of your brother’s idiotic choices and his wife’s selfishness. No, taking only 3 of 4 kids is not great but you’re already up to your neck in horrid thanks to other people’s actions. Do the older kids plan on keeping dear old dad and the evil stepmother in their lives when they become adults? How much contact would you actually have with bro, his lazy wife and their spawn if you weren’t looking out for the older niblings? Your parents seem to be siding with you and the older kids as well, what are their thoughts on the situation? You need to start thinking now about what you want for your family and what you’re likely to actually have. Start putting your time and focus on that. NTA for choosing the older kids and not the brat. Maybe fight fire with fire and start publicly shaming bro & co for how they’ve treated his kids over the last 10 years. Or at least threaten to. > **OOP:** After Jace left for college Jason made him give him his house key and told him he needed to stay elsewhere going forward. So over breaks he’s been staying with my parents and has very little contact with Jason. Since that’s probably what’s going to happen to Jeff next year, my wife and I have talked about buying a condo to stay in when we’re in town (around 2 months out of the year) since my parents place is so small we normally Airbnb it but that company sucks now lol. And pay Jace/ Jeff to ‘house sit’ (Jace is at college but Jeff wants to do a trade so will likely stay in town, but I cannot ask an 18 year old to pay rent that’s crazy). But yes if Jace is any indication they won’t be too much in contact with Jason when they are adults. Once Hannah isn’t living with them my contact with Jason will be as low as possible, just about our parents. > > My mom and dad are complicated, Jenny threatens that if they don’t give Daisy the ‘best attention’ they can’t see any of them. Idk what that means, it’s just from this insane text she sent mom. And they do love Daisy, so they put up with them so they can see their grandkids. They have said basically Jason has a bad picker but is a hard worker idk. **Commenter 2:** The parents of the 3 kids are the AH first. Jenny seems to have morphed into one too. So I would say stick to your guns and take the 3 kids (exclude Daisy/ Jenny). You dont owe anyone any explanation. Just book the trip and leave. Your wife is very kind. > **OOP:** Yes, my parents are old school Catholics and weren’t great when I first came out, but have come around and once my mom had a bit too much wine and (almost annoyingly) made clear to my wife that she was the best daughter in law no questions asked. **Commenter 3:** NTA, those poor kids deserve any and all time that they can get away from their awful family. Why hasn't anyone else offered to take them. I feel like the stepmonster would JUMP at the chance to get rid of them and frankly she should have been reported for abuse ages ago. This is ridiculous. > **OOP:** So none of its abuse in the legal sense. My mom was a teacher and a mandated reporter and looked into it years ago. They’ve always stayed on the side of asshole and not criminal per our states laws. **OOP provides an excuse of Daisy following rules and directions from other people than Jason and Jenny** > **OOP:** I agree that she’s 10 and a product of her parents, but my mom really has tried with her. Last month she was over while Jenny was at an interview and when she tried telling Daisy to put more sunscreen on and Daisy locked her out of the house (nobody else was home). My mom isn’t allowed to discipline her and when Jenny got home she tore into mom for endangering her child because she was inside alone. I’m not touching that with a ten foot pole. **Commenter 4:** NTA...but your brother is a giant one. He's giving up his oldest kids for his wife and their child. Why hasn't anyone sat him down and told him flat out he's being a crappy father to the oldest and even the youngest. His oldest will end up resenting him and the youngest is not going to be able to function as an adult. He needs to be told he's a failure at parenting and doing anything to make his marriage work is the worst thing he can do. His wife is obviously using his weakness to extremes, she's a bad person too. Tell them no, the youngest isn't allowed because she's a terrible brat because of the way they've failed her and there are consequences for that. > **OOP:** He’s been told all of this, many times by me, my mom, even my dad. He doesn’t care and says he’ll do anything to make Jenny happy because he couldn’t live with himself for having another ‘failed family’. Idk how you even respond to that. **OOP on her brother having a relationship with his children once they are 18 and out of the house and showing respect to Jenny** > **OOP:** He is a dweeb, and I’ve said all of this to him. He says he doesn’t care if they don’t have a relationship in the future, they should have been nicer to his wife and she’s his priority. **Has OOP considered about doing small day trips with Daisy and discipline her?** > **OOP:** I live on a different continent so when I come back it’s mostly for my parents, wife’s fam, or the trips. So it’s not easy to take a day trip with them, and since nobody is allowed to discipline Daisy except Jenny it sounds awful   [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/qD82wkyEEY): **August 4, 2025 (11 days later)** Hey guys, I posted about a week ago and a lot of people asked for updates but things have gotten yucky. A quick thing, Daisy is not constantly some veruca salt-esque monster child. She can be a brat but she is also funny and caring, she’s the only grandchild who has stuck with the church choir that my mom runs even though I don’t think she loves it, always calls my wife and I on our birthdays, and when their dog was too old to go upstairs she brought her mattress downstairs and slept next to her every night before she passed away so she wouldn’t be lonely. People aren’t cartoon villains and **please stop attacking a ten year old.** Sorry I didn’t reply to direct messages, I don’t feel comfortable doing that. I don’t know if that account people were messaging me was Jenny’s and honestly it wouldn’t change anything. I did change some small things for anonymity, and it would be a shame if there more than one person out there like her. Finally, just a reminder that I live half the world (a 15 hour min plane ride) away. I can’t just pop over and there are time zone issues. I also do well for myself but don’t have unlimited money. So stop telling me to take Daisy on “trial trips” and buy a 4 bedroom house for the oldest three to live in lol. And keep in mind, I live in remote, mostly rural areas, not bustling metropolises with vibrant expat communities and international schools. It’s the nature of my job, I’ve worked hard for it, and it’s not conducive to having kids/ young adults living with me. I’m not a messy person and I don’t do social media drama, so I’ve been ignoring Jenny and Jason’s little vaguebooking campaign, and honestly I wasn’t even going to update until I got some background information but basically I got a call from my brother last weekend and it was Daisy crying and telling me she would be good and she’s sorry for being bad and she wants to go on the trip and promising she’ll be quiet and not say anything rude. It was dark, she was saying she was going to find a way to show me and my wife and her parents she was good and not a bad person and everything would be ok. I tried calming her down, I assured her that both her aunts love her very much and don’t think she is bad person at all. My brother took the phone and was just like see what you’ve done and hung up. I tried calling back, he didn’t answer, I texted my mom as well as Jace and Jeff to see what was going on. And of course I wake up and there’s a post about how cruel people can be to innocent children. Anyways, between my mom and Jeff I got some more background info - I don’t know where all their money goes or what kind of bath her parents took but their financial situation is bad. As in asking my fixed / low income parents for money for daisy’s tuition bad. Obviously they couldn’t help them and I guess Jenny and my brother had told Daisy she was going to have to pick between vacation and her school, and she picked her school, but since it’s taken Jenny longer than they expected to find a job they can no longer swing that either. I know you all think she’s a little demon but my heart broke for her with that. (And yes I am not getting into it I’ll rage for too long but yes the older three have always gone to public school… I do think it was Jenny’s parents paying the tuition, though) And according to Jeff, Daisy is getting older and having more of her own opinions and Jenny doesn’t like that. When she found out she couldn’t go back to her school she asked about a trip, and when my brother told Jenny I’d said no she told Daisy she couldn’t go because she was bad. Heartbreaking, and just generally A+ parenting all around. I don’t think this is the end of all of this. Jeff needs to be more discreet but told me Jenny was losing it because of ‘Botox and ozempic withdrawal.’ He did say the house wasn’t as bad as you’d think, she mostly ignores them and has continued that. He works and Hannah has spent most the summer at her best friend’s house. Also one quick thing I know everyone is worried about my nephews and niece and think they live horrible, miserable lives and this vacation is the only bright spot of the year. Yes their lives are completely unfair and I feel awfully for them but they are happy kids. From what Jace has told me, since she had Daisy they’ve always kind of just treated Jenny like an eccentric roommate that their dweeb of a dad is sleeping with. They’re not all rude and screaming at one another, more polite indifference. They also do care a lot about Daisy, and would never ask me to leave her at home. It’s me that doesn’t want to bring her, because she needs a parent with her and as dril would say I would face God and walk backwards into hell before I ever invited, much less paid for, Jenny to come with us. **Relevant Comments** **Commenter 1:** Daisy is old enough to understand that her parents have engaged in the same kind of exclusionary behavior that she is chafing under. Jenny and Jeff need to eat some crow here. I think you could use this vacation as a way to spend some time with Daisy helping her realize her parents’ behavior toward her siblings is hurtful and that even if they won’t change, she can do better. Hannah and Daisy are so close in age, you would think they’d be closer. Would going to school with the other kids be an incentive at all? It might take the sting out of the school change. > **OOP:** I cannot take a child on a trip when I’m not allowed to discipline said child. I love Daisy but it’s a non-starter. I just wanted people to stop acting as if she’s an irredeemable brat. > > Sorry pressed reply too soon. Hannah and Daisy are not close at all. I’m sure Hannah would be helpful at daisys new school but they aren’t close like sisters can be. **Is OOP allowed to discipline the three older niblings?** > **OOP:** Yes I am allowed to tell them no and if they don’t act right give them consequences. **Commenter 2:** I understand none of this is Daisy’s fault. But her parent’s actions need consequences. The person who gets caught in the crossfire Daisy. Unfortunate but it needs to be evened out somewhere. Best case scenario is Brother steps up for the other kids so everything can be even. But until that happens, keep doing what you are doing. Those three kids need someone who has their back. > **OOP:** Unfortunately, knowing my brother this is unlikely to happen **Commenter 3:** I'm so extremely worried about Hannah's mental health. Growing up in a house where your step mom treats you like this and your younger half siblings is spoiled while you are so close in age is devastating on a kid. Her brother's are older and likely able to compartmentalize things but I seriously worry about Hannah. > **OOP:** Hannah and I are very, very close and text every single day. She is ok, she and her siblings know her dad isn’t shit and her stepmoms opinion is worth dirt. She is excited about college and her life beyond living with them, yes, but is motivated. And she is very close with her brothers. **Commenter 4:** I wouldn't say I think badly of Daisy, she's a product of her parents, but I think it's more important to think of the older three. I'm sorry, but life isn't fair and they've had years to learn this. It's time the youngest learns. This trip is something good the older three always had to look forward to. Don't take that away from them because suddenly Daisy's life took a downturn. Let them have something she doesn't, it'll do her some good. Maybe she can finally empathize with her siblings for once. > **OOP:** This is what I feel. Yes it’s unfair, but ever since their economic downturn Jenny and Jason have: > > *gone out to dinner multiple times with just Daisy > > *continued paying for Daisy travel sport when they’ve only ever let the oldest three do free extracurricular through school. > > *gone on a long weekend trip with one of Jason’s friends to their lake house with Daisy (the two that still live with them were invited, I’m told) > > *gone to visit Jenny’s parents who live near a beach and still have a nice house with a pool with Daisy. And those are things that I know about. Again, I love Daisy and I know this isn’t her fault, but sometimes life isn’t fair. But, ultimately, it’s my vacation, my choice, and honestly even all things considered I don’t want to travel with Daisy.   Latest Update here: [BoRU #2](https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1mw0qfq/new_update_aitah_for_leaving_one_of_my_brothers/?)   **DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7** **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

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